Chats

the bae: *does something cute*
me @ god: are you seeing this shit?
god: fucking unbelievable

Tevruden: that would
Tevruden: almost be lethal
Tevruden: Its like 40 inches of dick
ICY: probably closer to 42
ICY: but I digress
ICY: you would die
Tevruden: then tev would raise you, and the fucking continues
ICY: god bless

group chat: lol look at this meme you pieces of shit
private chat: i don’t know anymore. im hoping that someday i’ll just know what to do. sorry for complaining and thanks for always listening to me

Aries: Thor
Taurus: Zeus
Gemini: Loki
Cancer: Osiris
Leo: Cupid
Virgo: Aphrodite
Libra: Hercules
Scorpio: Odin
Sagittarius: Hades
Capricorn: God himself of course
Aquarius: Apollo
Pisces: Anubis

Me last year: Omg its my friends birthday im going to buy them things and draw them stuff and
Me now: *texts friend “birth” and nothing else*

Every alchemist edward elric fights with ever: ohohohohHO you two did THE THING

me liking posts about fandoms i’m not in: i don’t know what’s going on but i’m glad you’re having fun

someone: you’re cute
me: I am an atrocity to god, but thank you

knight: so how do dragons fuck exactly
researcher: well, from what i can ascertain, they transform into humans to reproduce
knight: that sounds like you made that up
researcher: i assure you, i have done months, years, of resear-
knight: i mean if i was a dragon why the fuck would i ever turn into a human to have sex
knight: and dragons were around before we were so what the fuck were they doing then
researcher: well that is a point of contention in the
knight: did they turn into trees and just sort of ram into each other
researcher: that is not
knight: you’re making shit up

Heterosexuals: I like pepperoni pizza

Homosexuals: I like vegetarian pizza

Bisexuals: I like vegetarian and pepperoni pizza

Pansexuals: Who cares about the toppings just gimme the damn pizza

Asexuals: I like how it looks but im not a pizza fan

Made up Tumblr sexualities: I can only have pizza after it’s been left out for a week, made in the 14th dimension, has exactly 43 peppers on it and a written affidavit affirming that it identifies as an omnidirectional being from Zelos (I love Zelosi)

Tumblr SJWS: If you like one topping you have to eat all the toppings or you’re a bigot