Chats

me: *can’t find wow player*
me: here goes nothing
me: *cups hands around mouth* [Thunderfury, Blessed Blade of the Windseeker]
wow player: DID SOMEONE SAY [Thunderfury, Blessed Blade of the Windseeker]
me: there they are

Aspect of Fruitcake: People are assholes
ICY: more like
An entire swarm of corgis: aceholes

Aries: Warrior
Taurus: Paladin
Gemini: Rogue
Cancer: White Mage
Leo: Alchemist
Pisces: Bard
Aquarius: Druid
Capricorn: Knight
Sagittarius: Warlock
Scorpio: Berserker
Libra: Beast Master
Virgo: Black Mage

[Zeus disguised as a mortal again]
Zeus: “wanna bang”
Semele: “yeah okay”
Zeus: “nice. Never ask me to show you my true self.”
Semele: [pregnant]
Hera: “what the fuck, Zeus”
Hera: [disguised as an old lady] “hey Semele if your lover truly loved you he’d show you his true self” [crosses fingers]
Semele: “damn you’re right hey mystery lover if you truly loved me you’d swear this oath okay swear on the Styx”
Hades: “Zeus no—“
Zeus: “sure”
Semele: “swell okay reveal your full self to me”
Zeus: “… fuck” [does so]
Semele: [fried]
Zeus: “HERMES HELP”
Hermes: “SHIT”
Hades: [grumbles into his palm]
Hermes: “QUICK MAN WE GOTTA PUT THIS BABY IN YOUR THIGH”
Apollo: “that’s not how medicine wor—“
Hermes: “NO TIME” [sews the baby into Zeus’ thigh]
Hades: “how the fuck have you all lived this long my god”

Aries: Your Teeth
Taurus: What Your Organs are Worth on the Black Market
Gemini: The pulsating tendrils protruding from your back.
Cancer: The blood you have spilled in my name.
Leo: The fact that you’re still here despite being dead for four years.
Virgo: Your eyestalks and gills.
Libra: The fear you’ve instilled in man over the past century.
Scorpio: Your head that is nothing but a void cradling the endless screams of the damned.
Sagittarius: You must never know. The dark secrets of the Sagittarius must never be witnessed by human eyes.
Capricorn: Your very convincing human suit.
Aquarius: Your long, slimy three foot tongue you use to catch insects.
Pieces: Your clubbed tail, the black shiny scales reflect light beautifully.

me on a date: so what’s your hogwarts house?
date: I don’t know…
me shoving breadsticks into my purse: something’s come up I’ve-
date: I mean no one can truly know their house because the online quizzes are nothing compared to the sorting hat.
me slowly takes breadstick out of purse: go on

Gay Community: Bisexuals will never understand what it truly means to be oppressed!
Bisexuals: *are rejected from the straight community*
Bisexuals: *are rejected by the Lesbian and Gay community*
Bisexuals: *have their sexuality undermined every time they talk about it*
Bisexuals: *are told that their own definitions of their sexuality are wrong*
Bisexuals: *are accused of being cheaters or disloyal*
Bisexuals: *are accused of being inherently transphobic*
Bisexuals: *are told they aren’t welcome at Pride if they are in “het” relationships*
Bisexuals: *are asked when they turned gay if they are in “gay” relationships*
Bisexuals: *literally have the same slurs thrown at them and experience the same hatred from straight people as gay people do*
Gay Community: Yep. All of that bisexual privilege.

malfurion: i lost my brother illidan many years ago
illidan (from the other room): QUIT TELLING PEOPLE I’M DEAD
malfurion: sometimes i can still hear his voice