Bro why do you keep insisting we try to disarm this genderbending trap? We literally mapped out this whole dungeon floor we can just walk around it…
Whoa watch it bud! If I hadn’t caught you you would have fallen straight into that pit of tentacles! Good thing I stopped you when I did, huh?
Oh man if I was just a few minutes late that vampire baroness would have hypnotized you and made you her thrall, good thing you can always count on me, ey? Cmon let’s get going, the next round’s on you
Walking around my neighborhood wearing my sick as fuck custom T-shirt that says “I STEAL EVERY FRIENDLY CAT I MEET WITH NO REMORSE I DO IT ALL THE TIME DON’T CALL IT A COMEBACK I BEEN HERE FOR YEARS KEEP THAT BEAST ENCLOSED LEST YE FACE MY LIGHTNING CAT GRASP” and smiling politely while my neighbors’ indoor-outdoor cats gently trot down the sidewalk towards me as the neighbors themselves read my shirt with a growing sense of panic.
Unfollow me for cat theft all you want. You’ll never catch me and you’ll never stop me. Those things are this season’s must-have lipgloss in an understaffed Sephora, and baby? I’m a middle-class teenage girl who’s not getting enough attention at home…
People in the notes keep saying, “This is just another reason you should keep your cats inside,” and I know they just mean the fact that someone in general could steal them, but I like to think they all mean that you gotta watch out for me specifically. Because you do. I’m everywhere. And I’m fast.
ALT
