Ok,
so I keep hearing from people I know and seeing posts about how hard it
is to make friends, especially popular creators and artist ones. How
when you do, they are not what you thought they would be. As a person
who has been at both ends of this spectrum, I have had some less then
stellar experiences with popular blogs and I have had a lot of less then stellar experiences with people trying to befriend me, I would like to
share some tips.
Here are 16 pointers to keep in mind when making friends with artists and/or other popular creators.
1:
Realize that if your goal for befriending them is simply BECAUSE they
are popular, then you are doing it for the wrong reason. There is a huge
difference between, “they have a lot of followers I need to know them,”
and “I really like what they do, but they seem to have a lot of
followers.”
2: If your goal for talking to them is to get
something out of them, whether it is art, a ship, public attention, self
validation, or anything of the like, then you are still doing it wrong.
They are people, not dispensers, respect that. As their own person they
reserve the right to choose who they give their resources to.
3:
Understand that you are NOT the only person trying to get their
attention at any given point. You are one among many who may be trying
to befriend them. It is a lot for a person to take in, and they simply
do not have the time nor energy to build deep personable relationships
with every person they talk to.
4: Actually contacting them. Use
only means they provide to contact them. Do not get their skype,
discord, or any other contact info from a second hand party. This will
make them incredibly uncomfortable and feel like you are invading their
space. If there is no way to privately contact them, then make an effort
to leave kind replies and like their work. Eventually this will stick
in their mind and you will become a positive interaction for when you
can contact them.
5: So you have their contact now and the
opportunity to talk to them. Don’t push it. You only barely met this
person, you have to build a standing with them and make an impression.
Do not expect a deep personal connection with them simply because you
small talked a couple times. Friendship takes time and dedication.
6:
Realize that at the beginning, the desire for a deep friendship is
purely one-sided, and that’s OK! You know how cool you are, they don’t.
If you get angry that they are not as into talking to you as you are
with them, then you need to take a step back.
7. Be yourself,
but the best part of yourself. It is ok to express yourself and be
strange or eccentric. It is not ok to expect someone to right off the
bat accept all your flaws just because. It takes time to see past a
persons flaws, let them get to know your good side before expecting them
to tolerate your bad side.
8: Be aware that not all
personality types click. You may be strongly drawn to this person, but
on their end they may not feel that friendship spark. They have a right
to choose their close friends based on what makes them happy, just as
much as you do. However this does not mean they don’t like you, and
don’t welcome you messaging them.
9: Be prepared for different
preferences, beliefs, desires, and so on. Friends can and will have
differences between them. This does not mean you have to change, or they
have to. It simply means being tolerant and understanding. Do not try
to force them to take on your views in order to be your friend.
10:
Your friendship can not be measured by the “amount” or “quality” of your
interactions. There are a lot of people who have deep long conversations
with even casual friends, and then there are some who barely talk to
anyone, but still consider them their closest friends. It’s ok to worry
if you are in good standing. Do not, however, assume your position with
someone, but share in open conversation to know where you stand with
them.
11: Do not play mind games. Maybe things are fading, or
were not very strong to begin with. This is not excuse to play mind
games, “testing” the legitimacy of your friendship. The biggest example
of such mind games is “they never message me first, so I just won’t
message them until they do.” More often then not, you will only be upset
by the outcome, or make the person run in fear of a clingy
relationship.
12: Do not cling for dear life. The harder you
hold something the more you make it choke and want to run from you.
These are people, they want their freedom to talk to who they want, do
what they want, and spend their time how they want. Being upset because
they do not devote that time to you is harmful to your emotions, and can
become harmful to this person you want to be your friend. Sit back,
relax a little and let things happen naturally.
13: So you are now
friends with this person. Do not use this as a status symbol for
yourself. Whether they are famous or not has nothing to do with you.
They got there themselves. Yes, they may help promote you at some point. This
does not mean you can brag about your friendship to others, or about
what you get from them. This is all around not cool, and will only make
your friend feel used like a sort of object.
14: Do not make
every little issue into a public matter to guarder sympathy or to
pressure the person to do what you want them to. This not only ruins
friendships, but destroys trust. Don’t think people are unaware of what
you are doing and why, they are not that dumb. More often you will make
people completely uninvolved question themselves and only push even more
people away. And in all it’s kinda a cruddy thing to do anyways.
15:
It might not work out. There is always the possibility that it just
won’t work. You tried everything, you pushed forward and darn it
they just would not bite. This does not make you a bad friend and this
does not make them a bad person. There are billions of people on this
planet, we can’t all be friends, that’s life.
16: If it doesn’t
work out, do not go on a rampage about how awful the person is just
because they could not see you for as cool as you see yourself. This
will only make a negative impression about you. Even vague-ing is a bad
idea because you will not only ostracize those who you tried to be
friends with, but possible current or future friends.
All in
all, I hope that this helped to open a few eyes. I’m not trying to pick
on anyone, heck I HAVE DONE SOME OF THESE NO-NOS BEFORE. No one is
perfect, but we need to keep in mind that people are people no matter
their status and should be treated as equals. So happy friend-making!
