Chats

[11:26:51 AM] Tevruden: You can’t just land in a bar and open your mouth
[11:26:59 AM] Tevruden: That only works for frat boys

White people: You have to wait for the facts before you talk about Ferguson!

Eyewitnesses: He was on his knees with his hands up.

Medical examiner: There was no gunpowder residue on Mike Brown, no sign of struggle, and there were entry wounds on the inside of his arms and the top of his head, implying he was on his knees with his hands up.

Convenience store owner and clerk: There was no robbery and we didn’t call the cops.

Ferguson PD: Okay, we admit it, Wilson didn’t know anything happened at the convenience store and we determined no crime was committed.

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White people: Nobody can say what happened! We still have to wait for the facts to come in!

Lady on the bus next to me: Tell me again- what are you not going to do in daycare today?
Little boy: I will not hit the teacher with a light saber.
Lady: And why are you not going to hit her with a light saber?
Boy: It is my toy, and my choice, but if I hit her with the light saber, I’m acting like a Sith.
Lady: Do you want to be a Sith?
Boy: No! I am Obi-Wan!

tumblr: We’ve introduced a new feature that kills your firstborn.
xkit guy: welp, time to program an extension that paints lamb’s blood on your sidebar

tumblr staff: hey guys we’ve just added this new feature to the site, isn’t it great?
xkit guy: here’s the extension to get rid of this one

me: *whenever I think up a sad headcanon* oh boy i can’t wait to destroy my friends with this

Lust: a headcanon about your character’s romantic and/or sexual life
Greed: a headcanon about something your character hordes or collects
Sloth: a headcanon about something your character hates to do or simply hates in general
Pride: a headcanon about something your character is a bit cocky about
Gluttony: a headcanon about food or obsessions
Wrath: a headcanon about your character and their anger management
Envy: a headcanon about your character’s secret desires and jealousies