me: *casually riding my bike through the woods*
some dumb fuck hiding in the trees: *starts shooting at me*
me: good thing i came prepared *whips out pistol and shoots him in the face without slowing down the bike*
wrathion: hey, how would you like your coffee?
anduin: as dark and bitter as my soul
wrathion: one glass of milk coming right up
anduin: …thank you
dk: *walks into the stormwind cathedral on an RP server*
10+ paladins jumping out of the shadows: EXCUUuuUSEE ME ARE YOU AWARE YOU ARE A DEATH KNIGHT??!??!?!
Harry Potter and How the Scene Should Have Gone
Umbridge: Mr. Potter, do you expect to be attacked in my class?
Harry: Yes.
Umbridge: What?
Harry: Well, I mean, I’m running four for four.
Umbridge: Mr. Potter-
Harry: Quirrel tried to choke me out.
Umbridge: Mr. Potter-
Harry: And Lockhart tried to wipe my memory.
Umbridge: Mr. Potter-
Harry: Of course, Professor Lupin didn’t mean it. He just forgot his potion, but still, totally went werewolf on me.
Umbridge: MR. POTTER-
Harry: And then Moody turned out to be an escaped Death Eater in disguise.
Umbridge: POTTER!
Harry: So, yeah, I figure it’s 100% you’ll attack me in June, 50/50 you’ll try to kill me, with a 25% chance of an Unforgivable curse.
Harry: (Turns to Hermione)
Harry: Did I get the math right?
Hermione: Yes.
Class Mounts in Legion
Death Knights: Zombie dragon that you raise from the dead yourself
Rogues: Murder bird made out of living shadow
Monks: An actual factual literal talking tiger that gets drunk with you
Paladins: Horse
Hanzo: *opens the fridge*
Reaper: *in the refrigerator* hey we have great health insurance
Hanzo: *screams*