Chats

zarya: how can i trust a machine
bastion: beoow *turns into a minigun turret*
zarya:
bastion: brrp bup ba BEP ba BEEEHHHH *turns into a tank*
zarya: *lifting bastion into the air, crying* THIS IS MY DAUGHTER! THIS IS MY DAUGHTER!

soldier 76: *in the growliest voice possible* does everyone have their rations?
pharah: by “rations” i assume you’re referring to the zip-loc bags full of orange slices you passed out earlier?
soldier 76: its important to stay hydrated, Amari

a knight: foul dragon im here to vanquish you
dragon: what you packing
a knight: this is the legendary sword, durandal and —
dragon: oh okay, i see. – pulls out a gun –
a knight: holy shit, wait

friend: how many AU’s you want
me: Just fuck me up

me: *forgets friends birthdays*
me: *confuses memories*
me: *forgets own middle name*
me, also: hey did you know that all pennies minted prior to 1982 are pure copper pennies and not copper plated and are technically actually worth 2 cents

Soldier 76: We’re all soldiers now.
Mercy: Oh, hi Jack.
Soldier 76: I’m not Jack.
Reinhardt: JACK MORRISON! HOW ARE YOU, MY FRIEND?
Soldier 76: Alright, how do people keep recognizing who I am?
Torbjorn: Jack, I hate to break it to ye, but ye put on a mask and started going by yer old unit number. That’s not a disguise, that’s a cosplay.
Reaper: You didn’t even change your damn voice, recognition software will match you from a hundred yards out.
Soldier 76: …they can do that nowadays?
Reaper: For God’s sake, Morrison.

me: i luv my ocs
friend: id love to hear about them
me:
me: one wears a hat sometimes ?

Initial Meeting: Hi, how are you doing today? Here is some cordial and mundane conversation! Also, some very uninteresting (but safe) facts about me that make no difference and tell you nothing about my real personality. It was lovely to have met you! I hope we speak again soon!
Acquaintances: Hey, how’s it going? I saw this funny thing on Tumblr that is mildly inappropriate, but I think I’ll share it with you to see how you react to my weirdness. If you react badly, I’ll play it off like I was making fun of it the whole time. Here is one mildly interesting fact about me that is slightly personal, but still not really relevant. Hope your day was awesome!
Actual Friendship: What’s up, fuckface? Here’s some bullshit inside joke between us. Hey, I saw this thing with my weird ass kink that you now totally know about. I expect you make fun of me immediately. Also, here’s some weirdly neurotic ramble about something because I have no shame now. Let’s laugh nastily about our mutual hatred for this other thing and act like superior assholes. Here’s something immature and dirty, also. Loser. I hate you. <3

Step one: Look for a meme I reblogged.
Step two: Go to my ask.
Step three: Send it to me.
Or you can also do this:
Step one: Open the IM thing.
Step two: Yell HEY YOU ASSHOLE at me
Step three: Plot.