I once had a landlord offhandedly mention that his mother had set this house on fire before. He and his wife lived on the first floor, and i rented the third.

Apparently his mom didn’t like his wife. So she set their house on fire. The house i was living in.

He assured me that everything was fine now and that this was years ago, just kinda laughed, smiled, and said ‘You know how moms are’

Yes. I know how moms are. I know how fucked up moms are as well. I have known many fucked up moms and fellow children of fucked up moms.

Attempted murder through arson is not typical mom behavior, even for a fucked up abusive mom

Oh, and his mother lived next door 🙃

There were two houses next door to each other, both owned by the same family. They had lived there for decades, and for my landlord it was also his childhood home. Each house had three floors that acted as separate units. Every unit in the two houses was occupied by members of the extended family— except for me. I was the oddball living in the attic of one of the houses.

This is the family dynamic i was tossed into


  • 1st floor— landlord and his wife
  • 2nd floor— identical twin sister of landlord’s wife, occasionally children (not clear whose)
  • 3rd floor— me ☺️


  • 1st floor— landlord’s mother, who previously set house 1 on fire
  • 2nd floor— adult daughter of twin sister, her young kids, and current man (changes of man signified by throwing clothes out of window)
  • 3rd floor— creepy brother of the twin sisters who is always outside working on his van

Yes, the rent was dirt cheap

The rent was so cheap that i usually paid in cash— ATM fees were about the same as money orders (and i didn’t have checks)

Then one day my landlord is in his truck, pulling out the driveway when he stops and asks

‘Hey— you haven’t been short on rent these last few months, have you?’

No… I had been paying in full, on time

To his wife. In cash

He wasn’t normally home when i would go to pay rent, so i would give it to her. Figured it was the same as giving it to him.

Turns out instead she was pocketing $100 off the top and telling him i was short each month.

And he knew it was happening. He just wanted to confirm.

‘Each month she makes it her little pay day! Well you know how wives are’

Sir, you need to reevaluate the women in your life because this level of stealing and attempted murder is not normal

“You know how moms/wives are” is a statistical error. Landlord Georg, whose wife and mother steal from and attempt to kill him, respectively, was a outlier and should not be counted

Additional fun fact! The reason he was hard to get a hold of? He worked a crazy schedule that always changed.

He was a hospital chef. Oh. And a wedding dj. He tried many, many times to hire me to help work dj events for him.

I would politely decline

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