If I may once again dip my toe into the discourse surrounding Greek Mythology, a lot of people like to rewrite or reframe the story of Medusa, and that’s great! Highly encourage it. But, DON’T YOU DARE GO AND DEMONIZE MY BOY PERSEUS!

Perseus isn’t some vile misogynist who hunts down and murders Medusa for the hell of it. He’s a scared kid who’s trying to save his mom from a forced marriage (whom herself has been a victim of terrible abuse from her father) to a creepy evil king and gets duped by the Gods into cleaning up their mess for them. He’s not the villain, he’s just another pawn. So if I see one more motherfucker trying to make him out to be the “real monster” I will throw hands.

You know what would be way more interesting?! Medusa sees Perseus rolling up to her crib and freaks out cause ‘holy shit this is a fucking kid. a fucking toddler with a sword and shield.’ and they hash it out and then TEAM UP to kill the evil kind trying to force marry Perseus’ mother! Think of the dynamics that you could write! The interactions that could occur. I mean, one of ‘em is gonna have to wear a blindfold but hey, minor problems.

What I’m saying is, gimme a buddy cop movie where Perseus and Medusa team up to fight evil in Ancient Greece.

I’m just picturing Perseus as this fairly well built sixteen year old kid, who looks a little underfed, and he’s like ‘ma’am I’m so sorry, I have to bring your head back to save my mom’ and medusa is like ‘okay, start over. We can work with this’ and compare trauma over some watered wine.

Danae and Medusa can get married and Perseus can have TWO Badass Moms

Okay but consider: Perseus regretfully tells Medusa he has to bring back her head to save his mother from a forced marriage and Medusa cocks her head and says “did the bastard say the rest of me couldn’t be attached?” and long story short Perseus rocks up with a Lady-Gaga-esque entourage of men carrying this gigantic silver platter with a giant metal cloche on top of it and announces it to his mother’s tormentor as the head of Medusa, and dude lifts it up and Perseus finishes, “and also the rest of her” and fucker turns to stone.