the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that
Counterpoint, my good man:
Dragonsfuck
Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny
Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPERhorny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano!
There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair!
Seriously!!!
I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting
triple-counterpoint:
you’re right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard’s sexual prospects with this post
A smaller, less grandiose giveaway than the 5k giveaway, but I wanted to do one anyway!
Rules: -Likes are awesome, but only Reblogs will be counted. Multiple reblogs will count multiple times! Do NOT spam reblog, however. It is annoying to everyone involved. -You must be following this blog at the time of winner selection! -No giveaway blogs! I will be checking! – One winner will be selected via Random.Org on October 20th
-The winner will get a Full Colored Waistup -I will message the winner as well as announce them on the blog! After 2 days, if I get no response, I will select another! -This prize can be OCs, fan characters, whatever (just not IRL people, please!)
O.C.s from Wildstar, World of Warcraft, Final Fantasy XIV, Guild Wars 2 and pretty much anything else as long as ample picture reference is given (screenshots, art, etc.). I am not interested in doing canon characters at this time, sorry.
I reserve the right to decline any character for any reason.
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To reserve a slot, email me – HKLuterman AT gmail DOT com
Include picture reference (the more the better!) and a brief description of your character / what expression you would like in your email. Please take any screenshots in well-lit or sunny environments that show the proper skin tones and colors of your character.
Pricing:
Portraits: $50 (does not include shoulder armor)
Full Body:
Simple clothing / nude: Starting at $80
Basic armor: Starting at $100
Detailed armor + shoulder armor: Starting at $120
Badges:
No shoulder armor: $55
Shoulder armor: $60
Chibis:
$50
Sketches:
Portraits: $15 (does not include shoulder armor)
Full Body: starts at $25
ALL PRICES ARE SUBJECT TO EXTRA CHARGES BASED ON DETAILS
Payment must be made up front via Paypal. I will invoice you. Please be prepared to communicate quickly, as I prefer to work fast.
You get a high-res file for your own personal enjoyment.
