who wants to buy this book I will never get around to writing
Chapter 1: Haha Just Kidding, ADD Was Made Up By Pfizer. Anyway Unrelated I Am Uniquely Bad At Being Alive and No One Can Figure Out Why
Chapter 2: Where Did I Put That? Nope, It’s Gone
Chapter 3: Why Being Bored Is Literally The Same As Dying
Chapter 4: ADD And Your Love Life: Why Bother?
Chapter 5: A Short Story I Drew About A Little Rabbit Named Herbert Who Goes On Adventures
Chapter 6: I Don’t Have Time To Not Be Photoshopping
Chapter 7: You Interrupted Me in the Middle of Tetris And Other Reasons I’ll Be Making Your Life A Sulky Hell All Day
Chapter 8: Where Can A Grown-Up Go to Scream? (Nowhere.)
Chapter 9: You Just Told Me Huge News About Your Life, but I Don’t Know What It Was Because There’s a TV in the Corner of This Bar
Chapter 10: I Would Love to Tell You Why I Am Crying, but I Already Forgot. It’s Just Happening Now
Chapter 11: Bankruptcy
Chapter 12: I Have Walked into This Room Five Times and Neglected to Address The Reason I Originally Did So Each Time
Chapter 13: Public Embarrassment: Is it Real?
Chapter 14: All the Facts I Learned When I Read Wikipedia for Five Hours Yesterday
Chapter 15: You’re Right, This Is Exactly The Same As When You Feel Sort of Unfocused Half An Hour Before You Leave Work
Chapter 16: Will My Employer Believe Me When I Let Them Know I Have a Learning Disability and Mental Illness or Will They Keep Assuming That I Don’t Care Enough About My Job To Listen to Instructions the First Time
Chapter 17: Thank God You’re Here to Argue With Me that I Don’t Have This Diagnosis Invented to Explain Why Small Children are Fidgety. Oh Good, You Have Examples of Times I was Productive and Calm
Chapter 18: That Was Hilarious, Please Tell Me More Stories of Times I Couldn’t Figure Out Something That Was Common Sense
Chapter 19: Goodnight Sweet Book I’ll Never Finish
Chapter 20: I Couldn’t Do It Right The First Time I Tried, Burn the Evidence
Chapter 21: I Could Say Something, or I Could Say it in My Head Where No One Will Hear it if the Words or Syllables are in the Wrong Order, Assuming I’m Using The Correct Words At All Instead of Mismatching Them
Chapter 22: 5pm, Time For Breakfast
Chapter 23: Following Directions on a Piece of Paper. Just Kidding it’s Still Under The Pile on My Desk.
Chapter 24: “Just Do It” Well Fuck Why Didn’t I Think of That. Goddamn Genius Doctor Superman Over Here.
Chapter 25: People that Walk Around Without Gesturing to a Conversation Only They Are Having. How Do They Do It?
Chapter 26: This Book Is Too Long, Do You Actually Expect Me To Read All Of This
Chapter 27: Guess What I Did With My Free Day
Chapter 28: My Academic Career Is Falling Apart
Chapter 29: Why You Never Turn In Homework
Chapter 30: I Would Write Study Tips But I Literally Once Procrastinating Studying For Finals By Putting Sticky Tabs In My Math Book Instead Of Actually Studying
Chapter 31: Maintaining Relationships
Is Difficult
Chapter 32: Doesn’t Everybody Struggle With Basic Self Care?
Chapter 33: I feel thirsty; I think I’ll make a cup of tea.
Chapter 34: Why is there a cold cup of tea on the cupboard?
Every time…
Chapter 35: Let Me Tell You About the Wonders of Hyperfocus and How I Stayed Awake for Two Days Because I Didn’t Have Plans and Nobody Distracted Me From the Internet Until I Literally Passed Out. Twice.
Chapter 36: Did That Happen Yesterday or Three Years Ago?
Chapter 37: Did That Actually Happen or Was It A Dream?
Chapter 38: I Went Three Months in the Dark Because I Forgot the Lightbulb Was Broken Until I Needed It at Night.
Chapter 39: I Need a List to Tell Me What to Write a List For.
Chapter 40: What is a Normal Sleep Phase?
Chapter 41: I Have Too Many Browser Windows Open Right Now But I Need All of Them For Later When I Can Concentrate
Chapter 42: Deadlines Are an Illusion Until the Night Before
Chapter 43: This Post is Really Long, How Do You Expect Me To Read All of This?
How do you people know so much about my life?
Chapter 44: I Got Distracted By A Freckle Just Over Your Left Nostril, Can You Repeat The Last Three Sentences You Just Said?
turning into a swarm of rats mid sentence while talking to someone
debating with your friends what bloodtype a human is based on arbitrary things (ie: “see, he just picked his nose when he thought no one was looking DEFINTELY a type-O” “oh fuck off we both know thats an AB move”)
citing “conservation of mass” as the reason you can turn into one (1) wolf but several rats or bats
Counting The Ceiling Tiles Game, Extreme Version (or, for that matter, ANY counting game, Extreme Version)
holding entire conversations with someone while standing on the ceiling and vehemently avoiding acknowledging or explaining why you are on the ceiling
almost getting yourself killed because you just couldnt stand not knowing what garlic bread tasted like even a second longer
“i need an entire extra closet, just for my eccentric cloaks” “what about your eccentric coats?” “two extra closets-” “what about your eccentric shawls?” “three extra closets-” “what about-” (repeat for as long as your friend can keep coming up with swishy articles of clothing)
feel free to add more
telling knock knock jokes while actually knocking at the door until the owner of the house you are trying to enter gets tired enough to give up and invite you in
looking in the mirror and loudly announcing “oh my god i look AMAZING”
