I forced my roommate to move.

Well, more specifically, he was forced to find a new place after the lease ended because he wasn’t paying attention.

This was a number of years ago, just after college. I’d rented a two bedroom apartment with a friend of a friend type, since we were both staying in the same town after college. I planned it to only be temporary, and this was the case. Has things gone amicably, I’d never have done what I did.

The guy, however, turned out to be a roommate from hell.

He was always late in getting his share of the rent and utilities to me, sometimes as much as two weeks after constant badgering. All of the utilities were in my name, and I didn’t want my credit score to get fucked up for non-payment.

He never cleaned in any way. The bastard never took out the trash or recycling, he only did his dishes when absolutely pressed, could never be bothered to even touch the vacuum, and so on. I had conversations with him about sharing the workload, and was dismissed. The asshole would even leave cookware with food in it after using it.

I didn’t want the place Adrian Monk levels of clean. At the very least, I wanted “women won’t vomit in disgust and then run in horror”.

Nope. This jackass was having none of that. He also would blast the TV or music at all hours, even 2am.

I was counting down the days until the end of the lease. When the lease renewal came, my idea for revenge sprung into my mind.

When he was distracted by a particularly intense/close baseball game, I got him to sign it. I just said “hey, man, the lease renewal came, you need to sign this.” he signed without looking at it at all, and said “now fuck off I’m watching the game.”

Well, he probably should have checked the document he signed, since I had marked the box stating that we would not be renewing the lease and would be out at the end of the month. I mailed it in immediately.

I already had plans to move out of state, and had pretty much locked down lodging in my new area.

Over the course of the month, I slowly moved everything of mine out of the apartment into a storage unit. The lease ended on Sunday evening, and he worked weekends and then went out to the bar right after work. So on Friday the 29th, I rented a bigass U-Haul, loaded much of the storage unit stuff, and parked it somewhere safe. On Saturday the 30th, I got some help to move the rest of everything that I owned outright: Furniture, the living room TV, and every last goddamn thing in the kitchen.

I had the truck loaded and I hit the road, headed several states away.

The fucker came home to an empty apartment and a photocopy of the agreement that we’d be out by 11:59pm on the 31st of the month.

Oh. I’d also cancelled all of the utilities, since they were in my name. Effective the 31st.