this is your periodic reminder that if the word “asexual” is helpful to you in understanding your sexuality, you are allowed to use it to describe yourself.
it does not hurt the asexual community to have a variety of reasons for identifying as asexual. your reasons for identifying as asexual–even if you don’t fit the lack-of-sexual-attraction definition–do not invalidate any other person’s reasons for identifying as asexual.
definitions should be descriptive. they should not be used as a measuring stick to decide whether or not you fit. your understanding yourself is more important than fitting any particular definitions.
further corollary: fitting any particular definition of asexual does not mean you’re required to describe yourself as asexual. if the word isn’t useful to you, you don’t have to use it, and anyone who insists you do is wrong.
additionally: if you are gray-A or demi, you are allowed to call yourself asexual. if understanding your sexuality involves understanding asexuality, you are fully entitled to describe yourself as asexual.