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The Signs as Cr1TiKaL Quotes

Aries: On a scale from one to stupid, I have exceeded the grading criteria.
Taurus: I just think. And the automobile responds. And it speaks German. And I don’t speak German.
Gemini: Okay, I’ll just go fuck myself.
Cancer: Covert titties.
Leo: How do I fight it?
Virgo: Well, I have yet to make the first step, but I sure as fuck am making some progress.
Libra: Edge of Glory can turn that shitty knife into a titty knife.
Scorpio: I don’t give a shit if he flosses his asscrack with the bark of these trees.
Sagittarius: Excuse me, sir, you’re interfering with my photography.
Capricorn: I would rather solve a Rubik’s Cube with my bare nipples than try to make that series of jumps.
Aquarius: Who is this? Is this Lieutenant Dastardly Dildo?
Pisces: I’m getting the heebie-jeebies.

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