this is what i call news

my dad used to be a high school janitor and one winter when we got a lot of snow, some kids built a snow penis on the middle of the football field overnight, using shrubs as pubes

by the morning it had warmed up a little bit and refrozen so that it was basically a solid chunk of ice

well the superintendent was outraged and he sent my dad and his coworkers to take it down, but it was frozen solid so they had to get more tools

well school was starting by this point so the superintendent was embarrassed of the gigantic 7 foot penis on the football field so he tried taking it down himself

and that’s the story of how hundreds of parents saw the highest ranking district official hugging a massive penis