tauren seem really
boring
NO
YOU ARE WRONG
SO VERY, VERY WRONG
puts rain suit on
a storm’s a brewin’
NO
FUCK YOU
LISTEN THE FUCK UP CUZ YOU GON LEARN TODAY
THE TAUREN WERE BEAUTIFUL, SPIRITUAL, NOMADIC PEOPLE THAT THANKED THE LAND, WHICH IS LITERALLY THEIR DEITY, FOR EVERY ANIMAL IT CHOSE TO GIVE TO THEM.
THAT’S RIGHT, WERE
BECAUSE THE CENTAUR WENT FULL FUCKIN GENOCIDAL ON THE TAUREN. CENTAUR ARE GUERILLA FIGHTERS. WE DON’T FUCKIN HAVE LORE ON IT BUT THOSE LITTLE SHITS WOULD PROBABLY COME KILL TAUREN IN THEIR CAMPS AS THEY SLEPT OR AMBUSH THEM WHILE THEIR HUNTERS WERE TRACKING A KILL AND THEN COME TO MOP UP THE ELDERLY, CHILDREN AND THE INFIRM LATER. THE CENTAUR WOULD PROBS FUCKIN GUARD THE OASES, THE ONLY FUCKIN SOURCE OF WATER IN THE BARRENS, SO THAT EVEN DRINKING WAS GAMBLING WITH YOUR FUCKIN TRIBE’S LIFE
AND THEN THESE ORC SHITS SHOW UP
AND THEY’VE GOT ANGER ISSUES. AND THEY’RE MAD. AND THEY HAVE ALL OF THIS TECHNOLOGY THE TAUREN DON’T. THEY’RE STRONG. BUT THEY’RE YOUNG, AND THE TAUREN KNOW THEY NEED SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE TO CALM ALL THIS FUCKIN MAD THEY GOT
BUT THE ORCS HELP YOU FUCKIN RUN THE CENTAUR OFF AND NOW YOU CAN LIVE PEACEFULLY.
BUT YOU DON’T. BECAUSE THESE BEAUTIFUL FUCKIN COW PEOPLE DON’T WORK THAT WAY. THEY OWE THE ORCS, AND EVEN THOUGH THEY COULD GO BACK TO LIVING LIFE PEACEFULLY THEY WAY THEY WANT TO, THEY DECIDE THEY’RE HONOURBOUND NOW TO HELP THE ORCS DO WHATEVER THEY CAME TO KALIMDOR TO DO.
SO THEY FUCKIN PACK UP AND RISK LIFE AND LIMB AGAINST FUCKIN NIGHT ELVES AND DEMONS AND UNDEAD AND WHAT THE FUCK EVER ELSE
AND ARCHIMONDE DIES, AZEROTH IS SAFE AGAIN. SOME OF THESE COWS PACK UP AND GO BACK TO THE BARRENS, TO MULGORE, WHICH IS SAFE NOW THANKS TO THE FUCKIN HORDE
BUT THEY KNOW NOW, THAT IF THEY DON’T ADAPT, AND LEARN, AND ALL OF THIS SHIT, THAT THE CENTAUR WILL COME BACK AND THEY MIGHT NOT WIN THIS TIME, EVEN WITH THE HORDE AT THEIR BACKS
SO IT’S EITHER LEARN AND GIVE UP THEIR OLD WAYS, THE TRADITION THAT THEY’VE FOLLOWED FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS
OR DIE
AND THEYRE SO FUCKIN NICE. THE GRIMTOTEM LITERALLY WANT TO KILL ANYONE THAT ISN’T A TAUREN ON KALIMDOR BECAUSE KALIMDOR FUCKIN BELONGS TO THE TAUREN.
BUT THAT’S COOL. BECAUSE THE TAUREN ARE SO RIDICULOUSLY FUCKIN NICE THAT THEY HELP THE HORDE KILL THE GRIMTOTEM, WHO ARE ALSO TAUREN. THEY’RE STILL BROTHERS. AND PROMISE THAT THE HORDE IS WELCOME WHEREVER THEY WANT TO GO.
THE TAUREN ARE SO GODDAMNED NICE THAT THIS LIL BROWN BUTTMAD SHIT NAMED GARROSH POISONS THEIR BELOVED LEADER AND THEY’RE FUCKIN COOL
CUZ IT COULDN’T HAVE BEEN HIM, RIGHT
AND IT TURNS OUT IT WAS THE GRIMTOTEM ALL ALONG
THE GRIMTOTEM GET SO FUCKIN MAD THAT THEY INVADE THUNDER BLUFF AND TRY TO KILL BAINE BLOODHOOF, CAIRNE’S SON
AND THEY TAKE THE GODDAMNED CITY
SOME SHIT HAPPENS AND THE TAUREN TAKE IT BACK, AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY FUCKIN SAY TO THE GRIMTOTEM
“SAY YOU’RE SORRY AND WON’T DO IT AGAIN AND YOU CAN STAY”
“AND IF YOU DON’T WANNA DO THAT THEN JUST GO HOME BROS”
THAT’S IT
TAUREN ARE LITERALLY THE BIGGEST, MOST BADASS LOOKING HULKRAGING BEASTS ON AZEROTH AND THEY COULD MOST DEFINITELY FUCK ANY AMOUNT OF SHIT UP THEY WANTED TO
IF THEY WANTED TO
BUT THEY DON’T
BECAUSE THEY ARE THE NICEST PEOPLE YOU WILL EVER FUCKIN MEET
AND IF YOU THINK THAT MAKES THEM BORING
THEN YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A GODDAMN SCREWDRIVER BECAUSE YOU ARE WRONG
