me: misplaces one finger on the trackpad
windows 8: closes the browser, locks the computer, calculates the mass of the sun, sets my house on fire, types out the entire script of the bee movie in webdings
radio host: iggy why dont u give us a freestyle?
iggy: aight
iggy:
iggy: Talos the mighty! Talos the unerring! Talos the unassailable! To you we give praise!
We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars!
But you were once man! Aye! And as man, you said, “Let me show you the power of Talos Stormcrown, born of the North, where my breath is long winter. I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine. I do this for you, Red Legions, for I love you.”
Aye, love. Love! Even as man, great Talos cherished us. For he saw in us, in each of us, the future of Skyrim! The future of Tamriel!
And there it is, friends! The ugly truth! We are the children of man! Talos is the true god of man! Ascended from flesh, to rule the realm of spirit!
The very idea is inconceivable to our Elven overlords! Sharing the heavens with us? With man? Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth!
Today, they take away your faith. But what of tomorrow? Do the elves take your homes? Your businesses? Your children? Your very lives?
And what does the Empire do? Nothing! Nay, worse than nothing! The Imperial machine enforces the will of the Thalmor! Against its own people!
So rise up! Rise up, children of the Empire! Rise up, Stormcloaks! Embrace the word of mighty Talos, he who is both man and Divine!
For we are the children of man! And we shall inherit both the heavens and the earth! And we, not the Elves or their toadies, will rule Skyrim! Forever!
Terrible and powerful Talos! We, your unworthy servants, give praise! For only through your grace and benevolence may we truly reach enlightenment!
And deserve our praise you do, for we are one! Ere you ascended and the Eight became Nine, you walked among us, great Talos, not as god, but as man!
Trust in me, Whiterun! Trust in the words of Heimskr! For I am the chosen of Talos! I alone have been anointed by the Ninth to spread his holy word!
Interviewer: Yo, Iggy, freestyle for us!
Iggy:
Iggy:
Iggy:
Iggy: Don’t look so smug! I know what you’re thinking, but Tempest Keep was merely a setback.
Iggy: Did you honestly believe I would trust the future to some blind, half-night elf mongrel? Hahahaha… Oh no, no, no, he was merely an instrument, a stepping stone to a much larger plan! It has all led to this…and this time, you will not interfere!
Me: gosh I’m tired.
Adult: *swoops in* YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO BE TIRED!! YOUR GENERATION IS SO LAZY!! MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T STAY UP TOO LATE!!!
Me: *looks into the camera like I’m on the office*
interviewer: iggy drop some freestyle
iggy: ok
iggy: Ashley. Katchadourian. You were supposed to be watching the door. YOU. WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THE DOOR. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THE DOOR. ASHLEY KATCHADOURIAN. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THESE ARE, ASHLEY KATCHADOURIAN? THESE ARE A LITTLE GIRL’S ARMS. A LITTLE GIRL WITH DREAMS, WITH LEGS, WITH A HEAD. SHE’S A PENCIL. SHE’S A SWIZZLE STICK! YOU CAN USE HER AS A POOL NOODLE! AND NOW I’M HOLDING UP HER ARMS! I’M HOLDING THEM BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T WATCH THE DOOR. A GIRL LOST HER ARMS, ASHLEY KATCHADOURIAN. A GIRL LOST HER FUCKING ARMS. DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT HAS TRANSPIRED WHILE YOU WERE IN PEARL HARBOR? SEEING A FUCKING JAPANESE MUSEUM? WE HAD OUR OWN PEARL HARBOR HERE TODAY. OH MY GOD. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US? YOU LITERALLY BOMBED US! LIKE THE JAPANESE YOU ARE. AND ME. I’M BEN AFFLECK. I’M BEN AFFLECK, AND I’M HOLDING TWO FUCKING GIRL’S ARMS. AND YOU’RE CUBA GOODING JUNIOR, DISAPPOINTING EVERYBODY. LIVE WITH THAT!
How I Sum up the Cold War
America: ANYTHING YOU CAN DO I CAN DO BETTER
Russia: I CAN DO ANYTHING BETTER THAN YOU
How Well Do You Know Your OCs
send me a number 1-60 and i’ll answer the questions with one of my OCs
1: What’s your OCs favorite color?
2: Where does your OC work?
3: What’s your OCs favorite food?
4: Does your OC prefer paper or plastic?
5: How old is your OC?
6: Does your OC have any supernatural powers?
7: Is your OC in a relationship?
8: What are some of your OCs strengths?
9: What are some of your OCs weaknesses?
10: What is your OCs favorite outfit?
11: What is your OCs spirit animal?
12: Is your OC sexually active?
13: What is your OCs earliest memory?
14: Does your OC have a cell phone? If so, what kind?
15: What makes your OC angry?
16: When is your OCs favorite time of year?
17: How long can your OC hold their breath?
18: What kind of underwear does your OC wear?
19: Does your OC prefer plaid or polka dots?
20: What’s your OCs favorite kind of pizza?
21: Who is your OCs best friend?
22: Has your OC ever killed someone?
23: Whats your OCs biggest secret?
24: What does your OC smell like?
25: What time of year does your OC prefer?
26: Is your OC a human or an animal? (or something else idk)
27: What languages does your OC speak?
28: Does your OC like anime?
29: Can your OC swim?
30: What does your OC choose to do about the, er, hair down there?
31: Does your OC believe in fairies?
32: Did your OC go to college? What did they major in?
33: Are your OCs parents dead?
34: Is your OC religious?
35: How flexible is your OC?
36: What turns your OC on?
37: What was your OCs first word?
38: Does your OC have any pets?
39: Who is your OCs biggest enemy?
40: What is the craziest thing your OC has done?
41: What is your OCs motto about life?
42: Does your OC drink coffee or tea?
43: Who is your OCs biggest hero?
44: What color eyes does your OC have?
45: Does your OC like reading?
46: Is your OC loyal?
47: Does your OC tolerate violence?
48: What social class is your OC from?
49: What country was your OC born in?
50: Does your OC cry easily?
51: What is your OCs favorite genre of music?
52: How does your OC feel about insects?
53: What is your OCs sexual orientation?
54: Does your OC smoke?
55: What gender is your OC?
56: What kind of clothes does your OC wear?
57: Would you call your OC adventurous?
58: Is your OC introverted or extroverted?
59: What is the first thing that someone would notice about your OC?
60: Does your OC enjoy nature?
REASONS I DIDN’T REPLY TO YOU:
I was going to answer you but I got distracted by something and forgot
My inbox fucked up and ate the message
I have nothing else interesting to say
I suck at socialising and don’t know how to reply
I get a lot of messages and it takes a while to get through them
NOT REASONS I DIDN’T REPLY TO YOU:
I hate you and never want to see you again