Tevruden: i heard you have mograine pinups
ICY: you can’t have them they’re mine
Tevruden: wow rude
How to find werewolves
Step 1: buy dogwhistle
Step 2: blow dogwhistle near a lot of people
Possible outcome 1: Somebody comes close to you or asks what that sound was. You’ve found the werewolf.
Possible outcome 2: no werewolves but dogs come to you and you can pet dogs!! Who doesnt like to pet dogs????
Every artist
Artist: I wanna draw.
Artist: But I don’t want to draw.
80% of my friendships on tumblr
me: we should talk more!
them: yeah we should!
both: *never talks to each other again*
what she says: i’m fine
what she means: Ashley. Katchadourian. You were supposed to be watching the door. YOU. WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THE DOOR. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THE DOOR. ASHLEY KATCHADOURIAN. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THESE ARE, ASHLEY KATCHADOURIAN? THESE ARE A LITTLE GIRL’S ARMS. A LITTLE GIRL WITH DREAMS, WITH LEGS, WITH A HEAD. SHE’S A PENCIL. SHE’S A SWIZZLE STICK! YOU CAN USE HER AS A POOL NOODLE! AND NOW I’M HOLDING UP HER ARMS! I’M HOLDING THEM BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T WATCH THE DOOR. A GIRL LOST HER ARMS, ASHLEY KATCHADOURIAN. A GIRL LOST HER FUCKING ARMS. DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT HAS TRANSPIRED WHILE YOU WERE IN PEARL HARBOR? SEEING A FUCKING JAPANESE MUSEUM? WE HAD OUR OWN PEARL HARBOR HERE TODAY. OH MY GOD. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US? YOU LITERALLY BOMBED US! LIKE THE JAPANESE YOU ARE. AND ME. I’M BEN AFFLECK. I’M BEN AFFLECK, AND I’M HOLDING TWO FUCKING GIRL’S ARMS. AND YOU’RE CUBA GOODING JUNIOR, DISAPPOINTING EVERYBODY. LIVE WITH THAT!
what she says: i’m fine
what she means: Ashley. Katchadourian. You were supposed to be watching the door. YOU. WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THE DOOR. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THE DOOR. ASHLEY KATCHADOURIAN. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THESE ARE, ASHLEY KATCHADOURIAN? THESE ARE A LITTLE GIRL’S ARMS. A LITTLE GIRL WITH DREAMS, WITH LEGS, WITH A HEAD. SHE’S A PENCIL. SHE’S A SWIZZLE STICK! YOU CAN USE HER AS A POOL NOODLE! AND NOW I’M HOLDING UP HER ARMS! I’M HOLDING THEM BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T WATCH THE DOOR. A GIRL LOST HER ARMS, ASHLEY KATCHADOURIAN. A GIRL LOST HER FUCKING ARMS. DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT HAS TRANSPIRED WHILE YOU WERE IN PEARL HARBOR? SEEING A FUCKING JAPANESE MUSEUM? WE HAD OUR OWN PEARL HARBOR HERE TODAY. OH MY GOD. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US? YOU LITERALLY BOMBED US! LIKE THE JAPANESE YOU ARE. AND ME. I’M BEN AFFLECK. I’M BEN AFFLECK, AND I’M HOLDING TWO FUCKING GIRL’S ARMS. AND YOU’RE CUBA GOODING JUNIOR, DISAPPOINTING EVERYBODY. LIVE WITH THAT!
what i say: omg he’s so hot i’m gonna die
what i mean: we live in an overtly sexual culture that doesn’t recognize sensual and aesthetic attraction as separate from sexual desire and as an ace individual i am incapable of expressing my appreciation for someone’s beauty in a simple way that doesn’t have a sexual connotation please bear with me
Casting director: Do you have a monologue prepared?
Me: yeah *clears throat* Ashley katchedorian…. You were supposed to be watching the door…
Tevruden: Tev and Ro to Evan: “Get in loser, we’re going shopping”
ICY: omg
ICY: they take Evan under their wing
ICY: and make him the more stylish murdermachine
Tevruden: On Wednesdays we wear skulls
Me: *makes grabby hands and kissy noises at a cat*
cat: *comes running towards me*
Me: Im just?? So thankful omg. Id like to thank my parents and everyone who got me here *tears up*. Thank you everyone, thank you so much. I worked so hard and i finally achieved my dreams. After this im retiring to ascend to a higher plane of godliness where i belong.