Chats

Demon Hunter: I have sacrificed EVERYTHING! What have y-
Death Knight: …
Demon Hunter: Y…you…
Death Knight: Say it.
Demon Hunter: [sweating] Uh…
Death Knight: I want to hear you say it.

My anxiety: somethings off
Me: how so?
Anxiety: somethings wrong
Me: what
Anxiety: something
Me: like can you give me a general idea
Anxiety: somethings off

Friend: may the fourth be with you
me: And also with you
me: And now a reading from Luke to the Gungans

mystique, who is perfectly capable of controlling her very useful mutant power of shapeshifting: dont control your powers, you should embrace them~
scott summers, who is completely unable to control his significantly less useful mutant power of shooting lasers out of his face forever: yeah that’s real fuckin neato

Shimada bros:

Genji: [stepping out of a shadow as he begins to softly glow green, underscored by a gentle hiss of steam] brother stop being so dramatic
Hanzo: [standing in a gentle breeze as the smoke from the incense he lit wafts around him, softly releasing a clutched handful of sparrow feathers into the wind while a single tear rolls down his cheek] I’m never dramatic

Reyes: Oxton. This is a secure channel. Only you can hear me, Strike Commander Morrison and Captain Amari don’t know about this conversation. Listen carefully. Once Null Sector is neutralized I need you to do something very important for me in London, and you absolutely cannot reveal that I asked you to do it until the job is complete.
Tracer: what is it luv?
Reyes: I need you to take Jesse McCree to a pub and film his reaction when he finds out you Brits serve beer at room temperature.

Disney Animation exec: So you realize how difficult it is to get a job with Pixar, what makes you more qualified than the thousands of other applicants Disney gets each year?
mysterious figure cast in shadow: [slides single sheet of paper across the table] my resume.
Disney Animation exec:
Disney Animation exec: this just says ‘I am constable-frozen’.
mysterious figure cast in shadow: [slight head nod]
Disney Animation exec:
Disney Animation exec: when can you start.
constable-frozen: i already have.

Me: *looks at early art of characters from a couple of years ago. then at recent art of same characters today*
Me (whispering): /INCREASE THE BEEF/

Reinhardt: I swing both ways
Reinhardt: Violently
Reinhardt: With my hammer
Reinhardt: Come get some motherfucker

Cashier: can’t scan a broken barcode on a product
Millennial: oh no shall I get a new one??
baby boomer: I guess it’s free ha ha ha!!!!