Chats

what she says: i’m fine
what she means: Ashley. Katchadourian. You were supposed to be watching the door. YOU. WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THE DOOR. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THE DOOR. ASHLEY KATCHADOURIAN. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THESE ARE, ASHLEY KATCHADOURIAN? THESE ARE A LITTLE GIRL’S ARMS. A LITTLE GIRL WITH DREAMS, WITH LEGS, WITH A HEAD. SHE’S A PENCIL. SHE’S A SWIZZLE STICK! YOU CAN USE HER AS A POOL NOODLE! AND NOW I’M HOLDING UP HER ARMS! I’M HOLDING THEM BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T WATCH THE DOOR. A GIRL LOST HER ARMS, ASHLEY KATCHADOURIAN. A GIRL LOST HER FUCKING ARMS. DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT HAS TRANSPIRED WHILE YOU WERE IN PEARL HARBOR? SEEING A FUCKING JAPANESE MUSEUM? WE HAD OUR OWN PEARL HARBOR HERE TODAY. OH MY GOD. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US? YOU LITERALLY BOMBED US! LIKE THE JAPANESE YOU ARE. AND ME. I’M BEN AFFLECK. I’M BEN AFFLECK, AND I’M HOLDING TWO FUCKING GIRL’S ARMS. AND YOU’RE CUBA GOODING JUNIOR, DISAPPOINTING EVERYBODY. LIVE WITH THAT!

Faerie Queen: And now that you have proven yourself in front of my entire court, saving my life and the lives of my gentry, I will grant you a boon. Ask any question, and you shall have your answer–even if I must take leave of my throne and quest to grant you satisfaction.
Me: Was My Immortal written as a joke or was the author serious??

Soldier-76: (Gesturing to Reaper) Why are we working with him?!
Genji: (Gesturing to Hanzo) Why are we working with HIM?!
Zarya: (Gesturing to Bastion and Zenyatta) Overwatch was formed to kill THEM!
Winston: (Gesturing to Junkrat and Roadhog) Why are they even here?!
Tracer: (Gesturing to Widow’s butt) I have no problems with this

Submitted by RockyGrounds

Reyes: Okay, we’re at the window, what do you want.
Morrison: A burger.
Reyes: There’s no burger on the menu.
Morrison: I want a burger.
Reyes: Morrison we’re at taco bell.
Morrison: Quiero una burger.
Reyes: The number of people in this car is about to go down to quiero uno if you don’t shut the hell up.

Submitted by Castellankurze

brain: open the door n throw urself out of this moving car
me: what no
brain: okay u gotta be paralyzingly afraid of that for the rest of the ride though
me: what the fuck. What the fu

Me: *breaking into the White House*

Obama: Excuse me you can’t just-

Me: I’m sorry Mr. President but there is literally a Mewtwo in this room.

Obama: *pulls out phone* Holy shit really?

soldier76: look alive men
soldier76: heheheh
reaper: heheheh
ana: heheheh
reinhardt, swinging his hammer with tears in his eyes: HOW CAN YOU JOKE ABOUT THIS, I BURIED ALL OF YOU

Cat: *puts paw on leg*
Me: hoe dont do it
Cat: *inserts claws*
Me: oh m y g od

someone: we both said some things we didn’t mean
me, thinking about how i was right and absolutely meant everything i said: ……… sure did, pal

Homosexual: sexual attraction to houses and other building like structures.
Heterosexual: an undying lust for Macklemore.
Asexual: attraction to any and all things beginning with the letter A.
Pansexual: a desire for pots, pans, and other kitchen utensils.
Polysexual: sexual attraction to polygons.
Bisexual: Attraction to the 9th century Chinese army officer Bi Shiduo.
Demisexual: Never ending love of demi lovato