“In America in particular, if a young man attempts gentle platonic contact with another young man, he faces a very real risk of homophobic backlash either by that person or by those who witness the contact. This is, in part, because we frame all contact by men as being intentionally sexual until proven otherwise. Couple this with the homophobia that runs rampant in our culture, and you get a recipe for increased touch isolation that damages the lives of the vast majority of men.
And if you think men have always been hands-off with each other, have a look at an amazing collection of historic photos compiled by Brett and Kate McKay for an article they titled: Bosom Buddies: A Photo History of Male Affection. It’s a remarkable look at male camaraderie as expressed though physical touch in photos dating back to the earliest days of photography.”
Platonic touch is crucial to human development and happiness, and this article discusses the damage done to everyone when two men can’t casually touch without fear of backlash, and when the burden of physical affection is solely placed on women.
Men from other parts of the world and different cultural histories often have to be told, literally, “don’t do what you normally would with friends: people will think you’re gay.”
It’s also part of the bullshit that contributes to the sense many men have that being denied a (usually female) sexual partner is a massive attack and hardship: in our society the only relationship that allows adult men human touch is a sexual-romantic one.
That means we’re training our boys to truly believe the only way to get this thing is by having a girlfriend. (And even then, too much cuddling or whatever that’s NOT overtly sexual or seen to be the woman providing sexualized attention is seen as emasculating and unmanly.)
And that very easily becomes “this is what women are FOR.” And even when it doesn’t quite, the need for contact doesn’t go away, and can be psychologically corrosive in the extreme.
And we start teaching this VERY young. Young enough that when today at playgroup I saw a father with his five year old SON acting like he would with a daughter or like a mother would with a son that age, it was actually remarkable (and nice to see) because it so often doesn’t happen: about three or four is usually the cut-off for fathers (or grandfathers) cuddling and kissing sons.
Moms are allowed to do it much longer, but again, sons WANTING it rather than Putting Up With It is viewed as a sign of weakness, babyish, unacceptable.
It’s fucked up, and it costs not only these men, but every woman they cross paths with. Our entire culture is set up to tell them that they HAVE to have access to a woman to be emotionally well, and that woman has to have sex with them, and then they go out and live it and everyone pays.
(Note, of course: this code and behaviour is mostly reinforced by OTHER MEN. Just like almost all the others.)
European Space Agency astronaut Samantha Cristoforetti, the first
Italian woman in space, took a moment to celebrate Captain Janeway at
around 250 miles above Earth. (CNET) (twitter)
i bet someone else has already posted this by now but i thought it was really cool bc now we officially have had a cosplay selfie in space lmao
also apparently this marks the first time a star trek uniform’s actually been worn in space i heard??? which is also awesome
She did it again today! Also, in the picture she’s drinking coffee brewed with an espresso machine specifically engineered to work on the International Space Station – the ISSpresso (made in Italy!).
Goof (female, chubby) and Ru (male, skinny thing) are both up for adoption. I absolutely hate that it’s come to this, but we can’t care for them anymore due to landlord restrictions. Both are fixed and have had their shots. Indoor home only. I live in Cookeville, TN, but I would be willing to drive quite a few hours if the right person wanted to adopt these cats. I love them, and I want them to be placed in a good home.
I want a story about a king whose son is prophesied to kill him so the king is like “whatever what am I supposed to do, kill my own kid wtf is wrong with you” so he just raises him as normal, doesn’t even tell him about the prophecy, and instead of some convoluted twist of events that leads to the king’s murder the son grows up and when the king is very old and dying and in excruciating pain the kid is just like alright I’mma put him out of his misery.
The king’s son becomes the new king, and is prophesied to defeat evil and bring an age of prosperity. His generals and knights all crack their knuckles but he pretty much ignores them and focuses on strengthening the infrastructure of his kingdom. Forty years later he is old and sick but still hearing his subjects’ grievances, and a general’s like “how will you defeat the prophesied evil now? You’re old and weak.” Another visitor, a teenager fresh out of the kingdom’s public education system, looks at the general like he is an ignoramus. The king eradicated poverty, housed the homeless, taught the ignorant, ended class exploitation by abolishing the nobility and imprisoning the corrupt, and established a highly respected guild of doctors that recently figured out how to cure the plague. There are no brigands because there is enough wealth for everyone to live comfortably; hiding in the woods and taking trinkets from people simply doesn’t make any sense for anyone but the desperate, and the people are not desperate. Evil is a weed, explains the teenager. It grows in cracked roads and crumbling houses and forgotten corners, rooted in indifference and watered by suffering. But the king demands that broken things be mended and suffering people be made well.
No evil lives in this kingdom, says the teenager. It starved to death before I was born.
