i’m just. huaaaagh. the exarch when he first realizes that he’s losing feeling in his arm as it crystallizes. the panic he must have felt. was he prepared for this eventuality when he bound himself to the tower? did he immediately think of a solution, a workaround?
the exarch having to study golems and golem manipulation in preparation to learn to move his arm. him having to conduct all of his research one-handed, between the scraps of literature salvaged from the flood and what information lies in the archives of the crystal tower.
learning how to manipulate aether as to control his arm. trying to find the right balance between too much and too little force. using too much the first time he successfully manages to do so and his arm shoots up into the air like a scholar eager to answer their professor’s query. gradually learning to move his arm in a way that looks normal and not too stilted or inhuman, constantly watching himself and the reactions of the people around him to see how if they’ve noticed. (they can’t notice. he can’t let them see.)
learning more finesse so as to curl crystal fingers around the staff with just enough pressure to keep it in his grip – not too much or he’d crush it in two, not too little or it’d slip out of his grasp. perfecting the motion to raise and lower his arm to tap the point of his staff on the ground, needing to figure out the required amount of force again – too little and neither arm nor staff would budge, too much and the staff would shoot from his fingers.
needing to keep enough aether in reserve to be able to manipulate his body when he was away from the tower. fighting through exhaustion the first time he made this mistake, when it had been too long since he was near the tower and he was too tired and his arm drops heavy and limp to his side. fighting to find a second wind and enough focus to move his arm again so as to not worry the people around him.
becoming more accustomed to the practice of weaving aether to move his arm for him that it becomes nearly automatic, nearly subconscious, but never quite getting used to having to do it, to not move his arm on his own accord. catching himself in moments of idleness reminiscing about the past, when he could still control his arm himself, when he could still feel. being touched, or touching with his non-dominant hand, the hand still made of flesh and bone, and wishing that he could still feel such sensations on his crystal hands.
the exarch trying very hard not to think about what parts of him the crystal would claim next, or how much time he had before it claimed him completely.