“Dread Mistress, there is a visitor to your illustrious court!”
“Oh? And who is it?”
“It’s some sort of … double drider, Dread Mistress.”
“It’s fuckening what?”
“The top part is an elf but the bottom half is also an elf.”
“… so they’re an elf.”
“Oh. Uh … yes, I suppose so, Dread Mistress.”
“Yesterday I saw a terrible omen. We were visited by a spider with sixteen eyes, sixteen legs, two heads, and two abdomens.”
“ … so you saw two spiders.”
“As you say, Dread Mistress.”
“… and you are my slave, and you will obey my every command and cater
to my every whim and submit to my commands for the rest of your
pitiful, mortal life!”“Wait, really? Fuckin sweet.”
“… Eh?”
“Do I get a collar?”
“… oh my fucking God.”
“Servant, I have a mighty quest for you to undertake. You must leave
our lands and venture out amongst the surface-dwellers, and procure for
me a number of pretties.”“Your every wish is my command, Dread Mistress. For what shall I undertake such a perilous quest?”
“Pack of Newports, couple of scratch-offs, and a mountain dew.”