well, i’ve got some beer steins in the back, but honey, if you’re looking for that much energy, you can just ask for the stronger stuff. i’ve got cheetahs-spot broadleaf i can enchant into a tea for you, though it can get a little unstable. you look like you can handle it though. typically wears off after a day. otherwise, if you really want to go the old fashioned route i can pull enough shots that would stop the heart of a giant
“Hi, welcome to the Legerdemain! What can I get you, today?”
“How much is it to fill a Venti with Espresso?”
“I- I’m sorry?”
“A venti cup. How much to fill it with Espresso?”
“Oh. uh. Well, it’d be I suppose… I only have a button for a Quad. I don’t have special pricing for twenty ounces of espresso in a single… drink.”
“Price is the furthest thing from my mind right now. How many ‘add shots’ is that?”
*deep breath of fear* “It’d be a quad with,” *clears throat* “uh, sixteen additional shots of espresso. But, sir, I should tell you that the shots will start to get really bitter if they have to sit and wait for us to pull twenty of them-”
“Taste means nothing to me.”
At this point I am truly fearing for my very existence in the presence of what must clearly be an eldritch being.
“Oh. Well, okay.” I put on my absolute best customer service smile to hide my terror and accept that I must face this dragon, fae, or demon with dignity. “We can certainly get that for you! The price will be _____.”
He begins to pay, I shit thee not, with golden coins. We are a block from Violet Citadel, and this eldritch demi-being is paying for an unholy elixir with golden coins. My life will end soon, I am sure of it.
“Do you still have the ‘Add Energy’ packets?”
My heart began to race at this request. “Yes sir.”
“How many can I add?”
Futile though it is, at least I know the rote response to this. “For health reasons, we won’t add more than one per drink and we cannot sell the packets individually.”
“One then.”
I alter the order and tell him the new price. He pays, dumps the change and five golden dollars into the tip box. I write the order on the venti cup and pass it silently to the girl working the hot beverage station. Normally we called and pass, but this was … not something to be spoken aloud.
My fellow takes the cup, not thinking anything of the minor break with protocol, until she sees the order. She stares at me. “No.”
The blue-haired man, which I call him for no other greater insight into his terrifying being is within my grasp, simply stands on the other side and says, calmly but with a commanding tone I expect of Admirals in bad movies, “Yes.”
My fellow barista pales before her task. But we are dutiful, we are true to our task, great though it may be. She sets about clearing the two brand new Mastrena’s of all distraction, and sets two tall cups in the ready position. The energy packet is emptied into the venti cup, and the shots begin pouring.
The barista was damn near shaking. This man’s gaze felt like the fires of the sun. Finally, the shots are pulled, the cup is filled, and the hand off takes place.
Our visiting Incomprehensible takes it to our milk bar and adds a dollop of cream. Satisfied, he proceeds to down what must have been half the damn cup.
Then he smiled at us, like a benediction and I was honestly filled with joy. And horror.
He came back and ordered a second six hours later.
Don’t understand why more people don’t appreciate programming as a creative artform. It’s one of my most self-indulgent admissions but programming an environment is like playing at being a God to me. I get to create swarms of little attendant automatons like biblical angels that contribute to the mechanism of the bespoke ecosystem I am crafting, and they all turn together in perfect harmony. If I could find a way to represent the interaction of data structures visually I could put this shit in a museum as a whirling sculpture that plays its own hand-shaped swarm ecology.
it’s all be gay do crime and eat the rich until the rich actually get eaten and then suddenly it’s nooo don’t be cruel human life is precious 🥺🥺 these are people who have never been in touch with human life and thus i am unable to view them as anything but a fascinating story and a major L in return. stupid games stupid prizes and so on
