Senkha pinches the bridge of her nose and lets out a long sigh.
“First of all: accept early on that no matter how attractive they are otherwise, they are either dead or edging closer and closer to it. Necromancy has this funny way of bringing a person closer and closer to death, whether or not they actually were dead to begin with. So make peace with death, because it’s going to be part of your life a LOT if you’re getting involved with a death knight.
After all, they were created to bring death and it’s what they do best.
Once you’ve accepted that the death knight is, in fact, dead, ask yourself about the potential impacts that will have on your sex life, if you do end up in a relationship with them. I hear that some death knights remain perfectly functional in that way. Many do not. Even if your particular death knight does retain the ability to have a sexual relationship, keep in mind that you are having a physical relationship with a corpse or a person rapidly approaching corpsehood. If this bothers you in any way, you are a healthy and normal individual and should feel proud of yourself.
(as for me and Oliver? We don’t have sex. We kiss, sometimes, but mostly we just hold each other and enjoy other kinds of intimacy)
The thing with death knights is that they have this constant need to kill the fuck out of anything near them, and no matter how much your death knight cares about you, that will include you. They may be able to resist that urge–in fact, if you’re finding yourself attracted to them, they probably are able to resist that urge–but do not tempt fate. Don’t piss them off, don’t encourage them to torture you, don’t get naked with them in a cave near the ocean while they’re oozing blight out of everything, just
Don’t do it.
Unless you really fancy the idea of becoming a ghoul or generally dead, in which case, by all means, proceed.
And with all of that in mind, even the liveliest, friendliest death knights have some sort of mental issues going on. They survive by feeding off of souls, they served in some flavor of the Scourge against their will, many of them are actually dead and have to deal with that particular baggage. To put it mildly: they are messed up in the head. And we all are, living on Azeroth, but they deal with it more than most, and that’s very important to keep in mind. You don’t need to treat them with kiddie gloves–in fact, I’d expect most of them to find that offensive–but keep in mind the potential for those psychological issues, and always keep an eye on your own mental health and overall safety.
More pragmatically speaking…
Invest in a hazard suit for bathing and general care unless you like your flesh being gradually eaten away by bathwater.
Fill clean and available body cavities with eucalyptus or other fragrant dried flowers and plants to reduce the potency of the rotstink.
Use lotions and oils to preserve the skin and prevent further decay or staining.
If your death knight is growing mold, you can use a clean knife to scrape the mold off of their skin as you would with a particularly old cheese. Just make sure that the knife is never used for anything else ever again.
To keep yourself safe against potential attacks by your death knight, invest in holy water and keep it on your person at all times.
And between you, me, and the tree? Don’t have sex with corpses. Just don’t do it.”
On the other hand, if you’re a fan of those trashy old San’layn romance novels, then this is probably the closest you’ll get to achieving your dreams!
