I’ll tell you what. On behalf of all black Americans, I’m willing to make a trade. If we get to be paid 30% more on average, be in charge of almost all Fortune 500 companies, have the next forty-three Presidents in a row be black, have 90% of auditions in Hollywood be exclusive to black actors, receive 14% more of the total scholarship funding than our portion of the population, do and deal drugs at higher rates but be arrested less, not be killed every twenty-eight hours by the police, have our literature and history be almost exclusively the source of all compulsory education curriculums, be chosen for jobs if we have felony convictions over you even if your record is clean, be held as the standard of beauty worldwide, and hold a disproportionate amount of the country’s wealth, you can have the “race card.” If we can legitimately switch places, you can “pull the race card” every day and say the n-word eighty times on a megaphone every night before you go to sleep.
tfw you’re getting it on for the first time in years and your pet giant spider who you are convinced is the reincarnation of your dead lover interrupts and you tell it to not be jealous and your new partner asks if you fuck the spider
